Recovery
by sheshemarie
Summary: Lou is recovering from being shot, Catherine is there for him. What will happen. Read and find out.
1. Chapter 1

**An idea that has been drifting around in my head for a while but really came to fruition when I was sunning it by the pool with Lily-Starbuck (yes I was actually with her! She came to my house for a long weekend, partly to see me and partly to celebrate my son's birthday with us :D) **

**But anyway, back to the fic, as I said we were sat by the pool getting some sun when we got to talking about fics and I mentioned that I had this idea and she encouraged me to write it, so you all owe thanks to Jen for making me actually write it down.**

Lou had been in the hospital for a little over a week and he was more than ready to get home, to get out of the building that always smelt of a mixture of disinfectant and illness, he hated it. The thought of all the bugs drifting around that he could potentially catch at any moment, it made him shudder. The only thing that had been able to keep him from discharging himself was Catherine's visits every day, he knew that she was making a special effort just to come and see him because normally she would be sleeping during the hospitals visiting hours - which was probably why she had bags under her eyes - that was the routine everyone who worked nightshift had, sleep during the day and work at night. He had tried numerous times to get her to sleep, even offered her the bed but she had declined with a shake of her head and continued to fluff up his pillows; she was constantly fussing over him.

But she wasn't there at the moment, it was a little too early for visitors and Lou was propped up on his bed watching the nurses talking and laughing occasionally at the nurses' station just visible through the gap in the curtains that surrounded his cubicle, he had been moved from his own room once he had woken and was now on a ward with a couple of other patients, old guys who were recovering from hip surgery. He didn't mind the old guys; they were quite pleasant and shared stories from the old days when they were young and in their words "admiring young ladies such as the beauty that visited him." He had chuckled at that a little and the tips of his ears went a little red when they asked if she was his girl, he didn't quite know how to explain what he and Catherine were exactly, they had never discussed it so he had settled on a wink and a "Wouldn't you like to know." This had caused them to let out low grumbles of laughter.

He smiled remembering the conversation and stared off into nothingness, when the nurse came in and smiled at him he didn't really pay much attention, he had noticed how Catherine seemed to touch him more whenever this nurse particular nurse was around and he had the distinct impression that she was trying to make it known that he was hers, maybe she was a little jealous? He didn't know for sure but he liked it.

Looking up at the nurse he noticed for the first time how pretty she really was but she didn't hold a candle to Catherine in his opinion, yes she had bigger breasts but Catherine's were much better, perkier and fitted into his big palms perfectly. She was a brunette, the type he normally went for but since Catherine had come onto the scene he couldn't get her golden/red locks out of his mind, the way her hair shimmered and seemed to glow when the sunlight hit it, it made her like a goddess. His eyes roamed over the nurses features, her nose was a little bigger and her face rounder, her eyes he noted were a hazel colour, nothing at all like Catherine's. Catherine's eyes had been what had first attracted him to her, the way they swirled like deep pools, the shape of them, and the way they seemed to twinkle when she laughed, especially when she was laughing at something he had said.

He smiled up at the nurse thinking that Catherine needn't worry at all, this woman may have been what he had previously admired and desired but now Catherine was most definitely what he wanted.

He hadn't been paying attention to what she had been saying and suddenly realised that she was watching him, waiting for an answer to a question he hadn't heard. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" He smiled politely hoping he wouldn't annoy her with his absentmindedness.

His charming smile seemed to work as she smiled back and repeated her question. "The doctor is going to come and asses you in an hour, if all goes well you may be allowed to go home but with an injury such as yours you will need a lot of support, do you have anyone to stay with you?"

Lou racked his mind trying to think of someone he could stay with, his mom was out of the picture, she lived in Canada still and he really didn't want to ask her to come over and then be forced to explain what had happened which would ultimately lead to her lecturing him about how dangerous his career choice was. So no, he couldn't stay with his mom. His next option was Jim, they had been friends for a lot of years but he wasn't sure if their friendship extended helping him go to the bathroom, to shower and to dress, plus he wasn't entirely comfortable with all of that himself even if Jim was. Sighing he realised he didn't really have anyone he could count on, yeah he had friends at work but no one he could really say were there for him. Sure, they had visited, brought him chocolates and get well soon cards but would that extend to out of the hospital? He mentally shook his head no, no it wouldn't, he hadn't been out with any of them in any kind of social situation that didn't involve work and since he had stopped drinking he hadn't been to the bars with his old drinking pals. He had lost contact with almost all of his friends; his work hours weren't exactly constructive to building friendships or keeping them.

He looked at his sheets feeling a little depressed at the thought of being alone in the world; he shook his head slightly and was just about to say no to the nurse when a soft voice piped up from the doorway. "He can stay with me." Lou's head shot up and he saw Catherine watching him, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing loose fitting jeans and a baggy tee, it was the most casual he had ever seen her and he loved it.

"Cath, you don't have to do that." He said quietly even though inside he was screaming yes!

A small smiled pulled at the corner of her mouth and she walked into the room, bypassing the nurse with a quick, sharp glance and came to a stop by the head of his bed. "I want to." She commented as her hand stroked some of his hair off of his forehead causing him to smile up at her and mutter thanks.

The nurse had smiled politely and nodded, muttered something about forms that needed filling then left his bedside in a rush. Lou watched Catherine's eyes following her until she was on the other side of the curtain, he could see the glint in her eyes that told him she didn't like her. Catherine turned and caught him smiling making her smile a little. "What's got you so happy?" She asked as she took her usual spot on the edge of his bed next to his good leg.

Lou chuckled a little. "Something you don't like about her?"

Catherine turned her head feeling her cheeks flush slightly, she didn't want to admit to feeling jealous, jealous because the nurse was pretty and got to spend time with Lou. She knew it was silly, she couldn't exactly call herself Lou's girlfriend. Their situation was more of a fuck buddy deal than a real relationship. She hated it, but would take it if it meant she got to be with Lou. So instead of replying she changed the course of the conversation to him and easier topics. "How's your leg feeling today?" Lou simply shrugged and looked down at his leg. "Is it still hurting?"

"Of course it's still hurting, I was shot!" He snapped a little, making Catherine flinch at his harsh words. He didn't mean to snap but he was so fed up with everyone asking if it hurt, how it felt, what it was like. "Cath, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped." He apologised upon seeing her slightly hurt expression.

She nodded and attempted a small smile, reached for his large hand and took it into her none bandaged one and gave it a gentle squeeze. "So I get you until you're better." She commented making Lou smile.

"Yeah, I guess you do. Do you think you can handle it?"

Catherine smirked. "Oh I think we both know I can handle it." She finished with a wink.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry I've been slacking on the updates recently, I've had a slight case of writers block. So anyway, I powered through and managed to get this little chapter wrote for you. Also, I am attempting to write the next chapter for Chasing Dreams so hopefully you guys won't have to wait long for that.**

Catherine opened the solid wooden front door to Lou's house and, allowing him to rest some of his weight on her, she guided him inside. She quickly located the living room to the left of the foyer and deposited him into the chair he motioned at, after setting him down she got onto her knees and removed the slippers from his feet, he had complained that only old men wore slippers even though the nurses and Catherine had told him they would be comfier to wear and easier to remove, he did eventually concede when he felt how comfy they were.

She looked up at the wall when noise suddenly started blaring from the TV mounted there, Lou must have the remote. She briefly noted the opening theme to a TV show Lindsey loved, something about a group a nerdy science guys, according to Lindsey it was hilarious and she often raged about how funny some guy Sheldon was but that he was annoying as hell, she had once commented that if she ever lived within the same building or even neighbourhood as him Catherine would be investigating Lindsey murdering him. Catherine knew she had been joking but she still sometime's worried if having death around their lives so much was affecting her daughter. She made a quick mental note to take some personal time, spend the day with Lindsey, maybe watch this show like she had promised so many times. God knows when that would happen though, work was hectic and now she was playing nurse to her injured colleague and sometimes lover. There just weren't enough hours in the day.

Turning her head from the screen she looked at Lou, whose eyes were glued to the TV and a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. She smiled slightly and released a sigh of relief, thankful that he had found a distraction. The nurses had warned her that he was a little crabby due to a mixture of the pain, the meds he was taking and, the main reason, the vulnerability having such an injury left him with. He needed help with anything that involved using or moving his leg.

Their warning had been an understatement, he wasn't crabby, he was being a complete bastard. The whole car journey from the hospital to his place was a disaster, Catherine had been thankful once it was over. He had complained about just about anything possible. The heating was too high, the seat too far forward then when she tried to slide it back a little for him it had jerked and hurt his leg causing him to yell at her for the next ten minutes. When that fiasco was over he moved onto how her car reeked of perfume. She had commented that she thought he liked her perfume to which he responded. "Yeah, when I'm not choking on the bastard stuff! Did you decide to just bathe in it instead of spraying? Moderation, I think you need to learn the meaning."

That comment had stung and Catherine had to bite her tongue not to snap back with a snide comment about him not looking so hot right now. Lou had always complimented her appearance and on more than one occasion he had told her she smelled gorgeous, now she was starting to doubt the honesty behind those compliments. Had he been telling her what he thought she wanted to hear just because he wanted to get his dick wet?

No. He wasn't like that, was he?

She really hoped not.

She brought her attention back to the present and the baggy sweats he was wearing; she threaded her fingers under the waistband. "Let's get these off." She smiled in what she hoped was a cheerful way.

"Leave it." Lou's tone was curt.

Catherine didn't give up. She tried to tug them down again. "Come on, you'll be comfier without them rubbing your bandages."  
"Dammit woman! I said no." He snapped and roughly pushed her hands away.  
Catherine sighed and stood up. "Can I get you anything?" She stood by the side of the recliner waiting for a response, when none came she shook her head slightly and went back to the foyer, kicked off her boots and went in search of the kitchen.

She needed a good, strong coffee. Hell she needed a good, strong alcoholic drink but she couldn't find any so coffee would have to do. While she waited for the machine to work its magic she ran her fingers through her hair and took in her surroundings. She had never been to Lou's place in all their time together, they always went back to hers or, on a few occasions, they had checked into a motel room. To say their relationship was screwy would be the understatement of the century and they both knew it. They were more fuck buddies than partners, but for a while that had worked for them. Meet up after a difficult case and have a bit of fun, some human contact without any expectations or commitment. Both had third degree burns from their previous marriages and enough baggage to load a cargo ship, emotionless sex had been working for them. Then Lou had started asking questions, had started wanting to get closer to her. Catherine knew he wanted them to be a proper couple, do things other than have wild sex in a seedy motel room, truth is she wanted it too but it was difficult to lower to iron clad fortress she had built around her heart.

The bleeping of the coffee machine dragged Catherine out of her musings and she poured herself a generous mug full of the steaming hot liquid, added the necessary milk and sugar, she stirred the drink and watched the coffee swirl around the spoon, making little ripples.

Maybe now, while she cared for him, would be a perfect time to show him how she really felt, that he meant more to her than a good ride.

She wasn't going to let his bad mood bring her down, she was going to prove to him that she loved him and nothing was going to change that. She was here to stay, with him.

She took a big gulp of coffee, set the mug down on the counter and nodded resolutely, she was going to do this, and she could do this. She told herself over and over again that this was the right thing to do; she couldn't keep running from love.

She snapped to attention when Lou started calling her from the living room, she'd deal with him now then when he was settled in bed she would have time to come up with a plan of action.

Nodding she pulled herself up straight and walked to the living room with more determination in her step.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I had the urge to try and write something in first person. So that is what I've done in this chapter. A little experiment if you will. **

**Let me know what you think.**

When I arrive back in the living room Lou looks at me with tired eyes, I can tell he needs help getting up so he can go to bed but he is too damn stubborn to ask for it. That damn male pride of his, always got to be the macho man who doesn't need help!

I close my eyes briefly and take a moment to clear my head so I don't snap at him, god knows he deserves it after the way he's been behaving but one of us needs to keep our cool. If we both lose our tempers and start yelling it would only end in tears. It wouldn't be the best way to tell him I love him, in the middle of an argument.

Calming down enough to a point where I deem it safe I open my eyes and plaster a smile on my face. "I think you should take a nap, I'll help you upstairs." Perfect, let him think that he still has control. That way he won't feel as incapacitated and will be less likely to lose his temper at the situation.

He nods slightly and stretches his arms. "Yeah, I think you're right."

Much huffing and puffing later I've managed to get him upstairs and tucked into bed. Getting him up the stairs had been no easy task, he was in a lot of pain and grumpy from both that and the tiredness. Plus he had needed to rest a lot of his weight on me. Now I'm no weakling but he's a lot bigger than me and his stairs are pretty narrow so we slipped a couple of times. Which had made his wound bleed. After seating him on the edge of his bed I'd run outside to fetch the bag of medical supplies the hospital had provided us with, getting back into the bedroom I'd changed his bandages and cleaned the wound as quickly and painlessly as possible. But all of it had taken its toll on him, he was pale and sweating a little when I'd finally gotten him into his pyjama bottoms and settled in bed.

Bed. That one word makes me realise just how tired I am as a wave of exhaustion washes over me but I can't sleep, not yet, I need to organise his medication, wash his clothes from the hospital and make something for dinner. I can't remember the last time I ate. His place could do with a little cleaning too. It wasn't messy as such, just not up to my standards. It had the typical single guy living alone feel to it.

The big plasma TV with the sophisticated sound system and brown leather reclining chair were one big hint at a bachelor pad that hadn't seen a woman's touch in years. Lou had gone for the bare minimum, only having what he needed. I poke around a little, opening doors and taking a peek inside. It appeared Lou liked to watch horror movies in his downtime, he had them in abundance. I hope he doesn't expect me to watch them with him. I may have acted like they didn't bother me when questioned but truth be told I don't like them, they were just another reminder of what could happen and after everything I see on the job, that's the last thing I needed.

Trying to distract myself I make a quick dinner of pasta with a cheese sauce and broccoli. I take my time washing the dishes and putting them away and before I know it 3 hours have passed. The exhaustion comes back and hits tenfold, I flip the switch and turn off the lights. My movements are slow and sluggish as I make my way upstairs to the black and chrome bathroom. Is everything in this house high-tech?

After much confusion I manage to get the shower onto a setting that isn't too harsh and leave it to warm up. I search for a towel; this place is full of secret cupboards! Everything blended in together to make the place look seamless. Finally, after much cursing, I locate the towels in a cupboard that looks like it's part of the wall. I head back over to the shower and open the door, stick in my hand and test the water. Finding it just right I loosely hang the towel over the heated towel rack and strip out of my clothing, finally taking off my underwear and leaving it all in a pile by the sink. I'll deal with it later. I climb into the shower and let the gentle cascade of water caress my bare skin, it was pure heaven.

The shower made me feel much better, the aching in my body has dulled and I feel much more relaxed. The day's events didn't seem as harsh. Yet, in the back of my head that annoying little voice keeps reminding me that I need to find a good way to profess my love to Lou. Not an easy task for someone as closed off as me.

Wrapping my body in the deliciously warm towel I relax even more and pad my way across the hall and into Lou's bedroom. My overnight bag sits by the window, the bright moon casting shadows over the room and illuminating my way. As I cross the wooden floor to get my pyjamas, being as quiet as possible, I glance over at Lou's sleeping form on the bed. He looks so peaceful and at ease, all the pain and stress washed away in his slumber, just leaving behind his rugged good looks. He looks so small in the middle of the big leather bed, the thought makes me smile.

I know he wants everyone to think he's this big, tough detective but in those rare moments that he lets his guard slip I see the real Lou. The sweet, caring guy who holds me in his arms and strokes my hair tenderly in the blissful afterglow of sex. The only time either of us allows ourselves to be free.

We're both intensely guarded people but Lou has let that guard down for me, now I needed to do the same for him.

After slipping into my silk nightgown – I want to look good for him, even if he is unable to perform – I slip into bed beside him without disturbing his slumber. It seems he's quite a heavy sleeper but he doesn't snore, which I'm thankful for.

It takes all of two minutes for sleep to take over and pull me into a dream filled world.

I frown and screw my eyes up tighter, trying to figure out what has woken me from such a wonderful sleep. Hearing nothing out of the usual in the room I roll onto my side and curl myself into the covers. Must have been in my dream. I bury my face against the soft pillow and slowly start drifting back off to sleep when the noise comes again, almost like a whimper. My first thought is that Lou is having a nightmare, probably about what happened in the warehouse. But when I open my eyes he isn't beside me in bed.

My body immediately jolts up in bed. Where the hell could he be?!

Scrambling quickly from under the tangled sheets I throw myself towards the door, praying to god that his stubborn defiance to be independent hasn't caused him to do anything stupid and hurt himself.

"Lou?" I call out but don't get a reply.

Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he just admit he needed help?

I pass the bathroom door on my way to the stairs, the doors closed but that doesn't mean anything. At least I don't think it does until my foot touches down on the first step. This time the whimper is louder and mixed with a groan of pain. I immediately run back to the bathroom and fling open the door.

There on the floor leaning against the bathtub with his pyjama pants halfway down his thighs is Lou. His face set in pain and droplets of sweat beading on his forehead.

Rushing over to his side I brush my hands through his hair and look into his eyes. "What are you doing Lou?" I try to keep my voice soft but even I notice the edge of annoyance creeping in.

His eyes, laced with pain, connect with mine finally and I see the deep emotions running through them, emotions he usually keeps hidden deep within.

"I needed the bathroom," his voice is weak. "Didn't want to wake you."

The corners of my mouth twitch upwards; he really is a sweet man, despite his stubbornness.

My hand runs across his bare shoulder in what I hope is a soothing gesture.

"Did you go?" At his small shake of his head I stand up and hold my hands out. "Come on, I'll help you."

A little more coaxing and a few failed attempts later we have successfully managed to get him to use the toilet and cleaned up. I can tell he is embarrassed and know it isn't from me seeing his penis; I've done that before, so I know it is because he'd had to pee with my help.

Now we're both back in bed I slowly inch myself closer to his body, desperately wanting to touch his warm skin and rest my head on his strong chest. Lou noticed my not so subtle movements and let out a chuckle. Such a wonderful sound.

Before I know it his arm is around me and I'm against his side, my head on his chest and a smile on my lips. I'm exactly where I wanted to be. Nuzzling my head into his chest I inhale his warm, slightly musky scent, tomorrow we need to get him in the shower.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" my voice is quiet in the dark room, my hand stroking the soft hair on his lower abdomen.

I feel the muscles twitch under my fingertips and smile at the effect such a simple gesture has on him.

"No. It's only my leg, everything else is fine."

I knew he was right, it was only his leg that had been damaged yet I can still feel the same sense of dread that I'd felt as soon as I saw him go down from the impact of the bullet. I'd come so close to losing him, I wasn't ready to let him go yet and it scared me.

His arm tightens around me and his lips tenderly brush the top of my head. "Stop worrying so much."

He's right, I do worry too much. I always do.

I turn my face towards his and angle my body so I can rest against him comfortably and be able to see his handsome face. I run my fingers over the stubble on his chin and trace his full lips.

"Kiss me."

Without hesitation and with a smile on his face his lips press against mine in the sweetest kiss we've ever shared.

The moment our lips part his fingers trace a delicate path down my cheek. "I'm so sorry for what I said in the car and how I've been treating you I-"

I cut him off with my finger on his slightly parted lips and shake my head softly.

"Shh, it's okay. I know you didn't mean any of it." I offer him a warm smile which he returns with a sheepish one of his own. "Let's just concentrate on getting you better then maybe I'll let you make it up to me." I wink at him, just in case he misses the hint I'm trying to give him.

At his brief nod and smirking face I know he's picked up on what I was trying to say. I kiss him once again and settle back down against his chest, his strong arms wrap around my body. I'm quite content to spend the remainder of the night in this blissful cocoon.

**Thanks for reading and let me know what you think to this style of writing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Since the way I wrote the last chapter was a hit I've decided to continue in that way, for this fic at least. **

**I'm interested in what you guys think, so should I continue in just Catherine's point of view or would you guys be interested in some chapters from Lou's?**

The following morning I wake up to the feeling of Lou's hands on my breasts, massaging them softly.

Someone is enjoying himself.

Keeping my eyes closed I enjoy his touch for a short while; it's been a while since we have been together like this, intimately. I don't want to stop but I know that we have to, his injury is too close to his manhood for us to be able to have sex and even though he started this little game I don't want him to be disappointed when the pain becomes too much and he can't continue, can't complete.

I know Lou, he's the type of man that wants to satisfy a woman completely and if he can't do that because of his injury he'll blame himself and probably go in a sulk. For all of his amazing qualities that is his worst, the man knows how to sulk better than a toddler. I remember when we had a disagreement and I told him to call me when he'd decided what it was he wanted he'd sulked for two whole weeks before he had stopped acting like a child and called.

I don't want that to happen today. Today I want to talk to him, really talk; about all the things we keep brushing under the carpet. I don't want to keep any secrets from him, I'm finally ready to let him inside and know the real me.

But first I need to get him to stop fondling my breasts.

Shifting my body into a more comfortable position I feel the hardness of his chest press against my back, it feels so unbelievingly good. I want to wake up like this every day.

Wait, what? Did I really just think that? Okay, wow.

Never in my life have I wanted to be this close, emotionally, to a man. Eddie has shattered all my illusions of a nice, loving relationship. Is Lou picking up the pieces and piecing them back together?

I'm trying to gather together and organise my jumbled thoughts when Lou's husky voice whispers against my neck, which with a sudden wave of arousal, I realise he is kissing, something he knows I love.

I know he knows I'm awake; I can feel him smirking against my neck and begin to move one of his hands down my body and over my stomach. I know exactly where that hand is going.

Not wanting to get carried away I cover his wandering hand with both of mine and hold them against my stomach and turn my head to face him. He smiles that cheeky smile that makes him look years younger, the smile that makes my stomach flip and my heart flutter.

He moves in to kiss me but I stop him, he doesn't know that I don't like to kiss before I've brushed my teeth. It's the first time we've slept together, actually slept, not had sex.

Confusion washes over his handsome features, the poor guy, twice he has tried to show affection towards the woman in his bed and twice he has been stopped. His mind must be conjuring all sorts right now.

Easing onto my back, letting his hand rest on my stomach without the aid of mine I offer him a small smile and softly rub the arm resting on me.

"Good morning," my voice is cheerful, something that I genuinely feel for the first time in a long time.

His confusion disappears and I'm rewarded with another of his wonderful smiles. "Good morning to you."

He tries to kiss me again. Oh god, I need to stop him. Before his lips can connect with mine I place my finger to them. "Can we not? I have morning breath and I'm pretty sure you don't want to kiss that. It's not very attractive."

His hand wraps around my wrist and pulls my finger from his lips. I'm suddenly nervous, my palms feel clammy and my heart is pounding, he's going to kiss me.

Smiling brilliantly he moves his face ever closer to mine until there's a slight sliver of space remaining between our lips, ours noses brushing together softly.

"We'll cancel each other out. Just one little kiss?" His voice is low and oh so sexy and his eyes, god his eyes are so expressive and right now I could just lose myself in them. So close and see smoky gray that it makes it impossible to look away.

I nod subtly and that's all he needs before he brushes his lips against mine, like a gentle breeze caressing them. Then he's gone again.

Slowly I open my eyes and look up at him, he's smiling. I run my fingertip over my lips. That was amazing, so soft and gentle, and dare I say loving.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" His voice is happy, matching the smile on his face and I know it's genuine. Nobody can fake this kind of happiness.

I nod again, words escaping me, and smile lazily. I look down at her fingers laced together on top of the covers. Why is he so happy today? It's such a drastic change from his snappy mood yesterday. Not that I'm complaining, I don't want it to stop. I like this happy, smiley Lou.

I snuggle closer and tuck my head under his chin to get a few more blissful moments with him before we begin our day then the smell hits me. I need to get him into the shower, all the stress of yesterday and the struggles getting him upstairs and into bed still linger on his body. B.O is not an attractive quality.

It took a lot of coaxing to get him out of bed; he kept pulling me back down and teasing me with his ever so talented hands. Eventually, though, I managed to wriggle out of his grasp and hop out of bed. Even then it took me yanking the covers off his body before he agreed to get up and let me help him shower. That was a challenge in itself with him constantly trying to coax me into the shower with him, his wandering hands at play again.

Now he's in the living room with the nurse doing his exercises, I can hear her encouraging him to do as she's telling him. I hope he's listening; he'll never get better if he's being stubborn.

I load the drinks I've made onto a tray and carry them into the room, when I arrive I find Lou lay on the floor on his back with the nurse on her knees between his legs slowly elevating them in turn, holding them in place for a few seconds then lowering them to the floor again. I place the tray on the dark wooden coffee table I cleared of magazines yesterday, mainly car magazines with a couple of soft porn thrown into the mix.

When I turn I catch Lou's eyes, he's smirking. What's going through that head of his?

Raising a questioning eyebrow I move closer, feeling like I did in the hospital when that nurse was flirting with him. He's my man and this new nurse needs to know that. Okay, so technically he never asked me to be his girlfriend and we've never discussed if we're exclusive but I want to be. And I'm ready to let him know that I do.

Crouching down next to him I run my hand over his chest, an affectionate gesture that I've never used before.

"How are you doing baby?"

Baby? Where the hell did that come from?

It's clear Lou is wondering the same as his confused eyes move from my hand on his chest to my eyes, smiling warmly I lean in and give him a soft peck on the cheek.

"I'm so proud of you." He smiles brightly at my words and my heart soars.

"Sandy here is doing a great job." He gestures to the nurse between his legs and grins, my smile drops and my heart returns to its normal place.

Why is he grinning at her? Does he like her?

Jealousy hits me like a truck. If he likes her then I've missed my chance to get serious with him. She laughs at one of his lame jokes and I glare at her. I know it's not her fault that she's attractive and Lou's noticed, she probably doesn't even know that we're...whatever the hell we are. Fuck buddies? Friends with benefits?

That annoyingly girlish giggle rings out again. I can't breathe; I need to get out of here before I suffocate!

I stand quickly to leave the room, a sharp playful slap stings my butt and I turn to scowl down at Lou, my arms folded over my chest. I'm not amused.

"How about we get you one of those uniforms?" He winks playfully at me before noticing my scowl. "What's wrong?"

My eyes roll in a 'as if you don't know' gesture and I stamp my way out the back door onto his small yard.

I've been pacing for a few minutes, wishing I still smoked, it always helped calm me down but I gave all that up when I fell pregnant with Lindsey. Now I'd kill for a cigarette.

The clacking of crutches rings in my ears. He's coming over here and he's going to want to talk about my behaviour in there. I don't want to talk; I want to smack that silly bitch's face for making him fall for her.

He's right behind me now softly calling my name but I won't turn, I don't want to see him.

His hand strokes across my shoulder blades, I close my eyes. "What's wrong?" He asks again.

I don't want to talk about this; I don't want to say it out loud. It's silly really but if I say it, it'll make it real.

So I remain silent.

He steps around to stand in front of me, I know this must be killing his leg but it's his choice. I didn't ask him to follow me.

"Come on, talk to me." His eyes are pleading but I can't stop the insane jealousy I feel.

I'm ready to be in a committed relationship with him, ready to admit that I want to share my life with him but it's too late. He's changed his mind about it and found his next conquest. All because of my damn insecurities. If I hadn't taken so long to realise what a wonderful man he is I would be with him. Maybe even living together.

But none of that will happen now.

I need to get these fantasies out of my head and accept what we are. Friends with benefits and nothing more.

He touches my shoulder but I shrug him off and look to the left at the bushes lining the perimeter of his yard, providing some privacy from the surrounding houses.

"Go back inside. I'm sure she's eagerly awaiting your return." I know I'm being harsh and unnecessarily blunt but I don't care. I'm hurting and trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be alone forever.

Lou barks out a laugh. How dare he laugh at me? He could try to be a little more considerate of my feelings. So he's moved on because I was too stupid to realise what I could have had with him but that doesn't give him any right to be mean about it!

I spin my head around to face him, fire dancing in my eyes. He has the good sense to back up slightly when he sees the anger on my face. He brings his hands up to stop me from yelling.

"Lets back up a bit. You think I'm trying to get with Sandy?" I scoff and roll my eyes, he shakes his head.

I shrug my shoulders and look away again, I know I'm being childish but I don't care.

"Catherine, why would I go for a rock when I've already got a diamond?"

Before I have time to protest Lou's arms are around my waist holding me close to him as he presses a soft kiss to the tip of my nose.

"Lou, stop." With my hands firmly planted on his chest I push him back slightly to stop him from kissing me. That dopey smile is not helping me clear my head.

"Come on Lou, we both know what this between us is-"

He presses his lips to mine and cuts my sentence off. I have no idea what point he's trying to make but his kisses are soft and sweet. Nothing like the harsh, lusty kisses we share before we have sex.

His lips pull from mine and that dopey smile is back. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

Oh god, what have I said?

"I'm aware." I nod, still unsure where he's going with this.

His hands are still on my waist but his thumbs have taken up a stroking motion. "I'm ready too."

Huh? He's ready for what? Why is he being so cryptic? I'm sure he's being annoying on purpose, probably thinks it's funny.

His lips brush my ear and he whispers softly into it. "You're right, I'm your man." He pulls back a little and smiles. "You kept saying it in your sleep. That and asking me to stay with you forever, that you were ready to be a proper couple."

My face flushes and I just know my cheeks are the same colour as the rose bush behind him. I can't believe I said that. Well I can, it was the last thing I'd been thinking about before I'd fallen asleep. But to tell him how I really feel in my sleep?

I suppose it's better than trying to find the right time to do it.

He tips my face upwards and looks in my eyes; I smile shyly and lean into his touch. Returning my smile he leans in for a passionate, loving kiss. I don't refuse his advances this time and we stand there on his yard making out like a couple of teenagers.

When the kiss comes to its inevitable conclusion Lou laughs again, it doesn't bother me this time. I have him and he's happy, he can laugh as much as he wants. So I told him how I truly feel in my sleep, his good mood from this morning all makes perfect sense now.

"I can't believe you thought me and Sandy..."

He laughs again, I'm glad he finds this funny.

I playfully slap his arm. "It's not that difficult to comprehend. You're hot, she's hot. Why wouldn't you want each other?"

He smirks the biggest smirk I've ever seen and his eyes glimmer. "Because she's got the hots for you."

Holy...what? My jaw drops, I try to process this but it's just too...what?

"Wha...what?" I stammer.


End file.
